Monday, January 22, 2018

Prayer Request For Our IVF Journey

As you're reading this post, we'll be at the Carolinas Fertility Institute as new patients undergoing the initial process of IVF.

Here's the story of our journey so far. 

We started talking about starting a family in May of 2014, about ten months after we were married. We had started to settle in our new home in the Carolinas, and although we still had a lot of remodeling underway we started the discussions.

Then, in August 2014 my hubby had a job offer from a Christian ministry and television network and he accepted. We felt secure, and ready the next month to start trying to conceive. That month and all the months after I tested, we got a BFN.

After a year, we discussed that we were having trouble conceiving with our doctor, and he referred us to an RE (reproductive endocrinologist), and we started the process of three IUI's. 

IUI Timeline

May '14 Started talking about starting a family

 Sep '14 Started trying to conceive (ttc)

 Apr '15 went to see family doctor for annual check up, he referred us to REACH

 May 11th '15 blood work and vaginal ultrasound

 Jun 8th '15 HSG (good results)

 Aug 8th '15 blood work and vaginal ultrasound. Hubby had his blood work and a SA done (neither of us had any genetic abnormalities)

 Sep 30th '15 Consult with Dr.Wing

Oct 5th '15 blood work and vaginal ultrasound cd4

 Oct 5th-9th started a cycle of Clomid (my side effects: hot flushes, hand eye co-ordination was off)

Oct 13th '15 blood work and vaginal ultrasound cd12 11mm, 14mm, 19mm follicles. Grow 1-2mm a day.

 Oct 14th '15 Ovidrel trigger shot

Oct 16th '15 first IUI

 Oct 31st '15 pregnancy test BFN (negative

 Nov 3rd '15 blood work and vaginal ultrasound cd3

 Nov 3rd-7th second cycle of Clomid
Nov 13th '15 blood work and vaginal ultrasound cd 13 18mm from LO, 18mm from RO and lot's under 10mm.

 Nov 14th '15 Ovidrel Trigger Shot

 Nov 16th '15 second IUI

 Nov 29th '15 pregnancy test BFN.

Dec 5th '15 blood work and vaginal ultrasound cd3

Dec 5th- 9th third cycle of Clomid

Dec 15th '15 blood work and vaginal ultrasound 23mm from RO and lot's under 12mm.

Dec 15th '15 Ovidrel Trigger Shot

Dec 17th third IUI

Dec 17th '15 Hemorrhagic shock admitted to Novant Presbyterian Medical Center

Dec 31st '15 pregnancy test BFN.

When I was admitted to Novant Presbyterian Medical Center, I was in hemorrhagic shock from my uterus due to the medications I took when I underwent my 3rd IUI. 

After our three failed IUI's and some time to heal from hemorrhagic shock, we kept listening to everyone's "advice". I know that people mean well when they say;

"well you could just adopt"

but in hindsight, I wouldn't recommend starting the adoption process until you've healed from your infertility losses. 

So we started looking at our adoption options:


 Adopting internationally requires that you meet requirements for both the United States, and the country you adopt from - two federal governments. It can be expensive, lengthy, and the adoptee's country has the right to deny at any time.

Domestic Newborn

Adopting a newborn domestically requires a birthmother to make the decision to give away her baby to adoptive parents via an agency. The birthmothers already made the decision to give life, and not abort their baby. They also choose the family that will raise their child.

Different states have varying laws, but in North Carolina you'd be responsible for all birth mother expenses - medical care, housing, transportation, counseling, clothing etc. but there's no law that allows you to get a re-imbursement if the birthmother chooses not to give away her child. It can be expensive, and risky.

Domestic Foster Care

There are over 108,000 children in the United States foster care system waiting to be adopted. Oftentimes, their parent's have lost or relinquished their rights. The children are oftentimes in sibling groups and may have physical or emotional difficulties.

Adopting from the foster care system is inexpensive, as the state helps with the costs. Also, depending on each child's situation they may qualify for free medical care, and state college tuition.

In 2016, we started attending meetings at the Children's Home Society of North Carolina for several months. But eventually the advisors told us that it was unlikely we'd be able to adopt a child, under 2, whose parents have lost all their rights, without medical issues like FAS (fetal alcohol syndrome) or addictions to other street drugs.   

Honestly, it felt overwhelming at the time, especially as we were still trying to process the thought that we may never have a biological child of our own. 

Then we found out about a private Christian adoption agency called Saint Mary's and began  the process of putting together our documents to adopt a child/sibling group from Poland. We chose Poland out of the choice of Eastern European countries because my great-grandmother Ortrud Heier, nee Otto was born in Tanz, Silesia (now Poland) and we liked the people and culture. 

But the adoption paperwork was difficult, for lack of a better word, because I was born In South Africa, and to get several  copies of my UBC (unabridged) birth certificate took many, many  months, whereas my hubby's took a check and several days. 

During the wait, we learned that if you adopt from Poland, one of us (me), would've had to live there in-between the two court dates (several months), for the majority of the time with the child/children alone. The expense was the least of our worries, but becoming a parent to a child/children who don't speak English, without my hubby there, (because he would have to be in the US to work) was quite overwhelming

For this reason we prayed and decided to wait until we felt ready, and healed enough to pursue adoption. 

In 2017, we decided to take a years break from any decisions, and it was the best decision we've ever made. We had a year where we didn't have to be poked, prodded, evaluated, etc. by doctors and interviewed by adoption agencies. During this time God healed our hearts. 

But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,’ declares the LORD"
 Jeremiah 30:17

We grew a lot last year and learned to trust in God, and his timing. Over the last  twenty-four months since my 3rd IUI and hemorrhagic shock we have healed. We have learned to accept that we may or may not be parents, and that is up to God, not us. 

We grew as a couple, in patience and understanding. Which is a virtue that has helped us tremendously since we've started building our farmhouse. We haven't succumbed to timelines or deadlines, we're just waiting patiently for whenever its built and ready for us to move in. Obstacles seem so irrelevant and easy to overcome. 

In 2018, we now know that the timing is much better, to at least try IVF with ICSI, to see if we can create embryo's, and to see if any will stick and make us first time parents.

If it doesn't work, it's not God's will, even though I'd like to think we'd make good parents. . 

So, today, as we go into our appointment at Carolinas Fertility Institute, we have to remember how far we've come, and how far we've yet to go. I'd like to take you all along on this journey, and we only ask for one thing, your support and prayers.


Kiki Nakita

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Lea said...

Nicki, what an awesome testimony of you and your husband's trust and faith in the Lord and his timing. I think I told you that our son and dil had serious fertility issues and adopted a precious little girl, at birth, 8 1/2 years ago. It was a domestic adoption with no issues or problems and the birth Mom was 30 years old. It was as perfect an adoption as there could have been and she is so precious. Then 5 1/2 years later out of the clear our dil got pregnant. It was just all in God's timing and we feel that both of the girls are special gifts. I will be praying for you and that the IVF will be successful and you will soon be the Mother you long to be. Blessings abundant as you go forth.

Sherry said...

I know from our own experience that truly learning to trust in God can be a painful process. Life here as Christians was never promised to be easy or free of pain. Despite knowing this, you still can't help but ask God "Why?" when you go through battles like this. You and another dear blogging friend have bought battled the pain of infertility and are some of the most inspiring women in my life. You both just radiate love and joy. No matter what happens, you have a mother's heart. Did you know I was adopted? There are some old blog posts about my past that may help you. My adoptive parents also struggled with infertility for years and then had the opportunity to accept a position as houseparents of the Church of God Home for Children in Kannapolis, NC (very close to you by the way). They were my houseparents. I was almost 7 when we first met. For the next couple of years, they became the best parents to all of the girls in our house (about 10 of them from ages 6 to about 18 I think). I still know many of those girls today, and they all have fond memories from this period of our lives because my mom really did such an amazing job. Anyway, eventually they felt led to adopt me and my older brother (six years older so already a teenager!). I don't say this to say that adoption (or adopting an older child) is the path for you but just that God's miracles can truly be greater than we ever imagined. I do pray that IVF works for you because I know your heart longs for your own baby to love and nuture. No matter what, you will always be a wonderful mother from what I have seen of your heart! Love and prayers!

Decor To Adore said...

Kiki I will be keeping you in prayer. Mr. Decor and I went on a similar journey while we were living in Germany. We actually went through the ICSI process three times before we were successful with our now 16-year-old Sweet Guy. It was a long road and unless someone has gone through it it can be difficult to explain the heartache. But you have done a tremendous job of it. I pray your post and experience will bless others going through the same issue.

Decor To Adore said...

I also wanted to add that we also had a "back up plan" of foster-adopt. Fostering is very personal and close to my heart as I myself grew up in foster care. There are REALLY great infants and children in need of a home. So perhaps this can also be another option for you both. Blessings to you both!

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