Organizing Memories

Can it really be February already? My goodness the days, weeks, months and years seem to go by faster and faster every year. That is why it is important to reflect, and preserve our past memories.

 

I've always taken photos, but they were in assorted albums on my computer, or tucked away in photo boxes at our parents' homes. Then about two years ago I decided to take on the project of collecting all the photos, spending weeks scanning them all onto an external hard drive.

 

The project turned into more than anticipated, as we started doing our family history research and collecting those memories and photos also. Which has left me with an enormous organization project.

 

The Ancestry Memories

 

We built our family tree on ancestry, with both of our sides, then printed a page for each generation for my binder. The binder is convenient for me to look up an ancestor quickly, and to make edits or notes. We have six of the trees done, and have six to go.

 

On ancestry, along with family pages I've found a lot of ancestor photos. I saved them all onto a  thumb drive into organized folders and printed them all out for my photo binder. I use the 12x12 project life binders as I like that you can re-arrange pages if you find more photos, also they hold a lot of photos.

 

Nana and Grandad's Wedding Day December 12th, 1954.

After printing the photos, I sort them into time categories for each ancestor, then place them into the inserts. I'm still a long way off labelling all of them, but hope to eventually.

 

The ancestor photos that are our favorites we frame around our home. We have a running list of all the different ancestors that have/haven't got a frame so it's balanced and we don't miss anybody out.

 

Since we have the tree, binder, and photos of memories we've been working on a website, where we can store our findings so they can help other cousins in their genealogy search.

 

The Childhood Memories

 

The photos of our childhood memories came from our parents. We scanned them all in, and like the ancestor binder, I've sorted them all into some semblance of a chronological order. They all need labeling also.

 

Me aged 3, in 1989.

Secondly, about a year ago I wrote up a small 100 page book of all my childhood memories up until we met and got married. I may be an amateur, but I've been water coloring all the pages as I feel it personalizes my story more thoughtfully than a 300 page novel. To organize it I have a binder with sleeves to organize my pages as I go along. It's a work in progress, as it has lot's of post it notes with other stories, and memories I've remembered over time.

 

The Happy Ever After Memories

 

These are my most recent memories. I have an empty project life binder waiting for me! It may be some time before I get around to printing all our most recent pictures as the other two projects have taken over right now.



Our wedding day, July 31st 2013 in Port Charlotte, Florida.



I have all our photos on an external hard drive and conscientiously keep them organized as I go along; Each year I start a new folder on my desktop like "Family Photos From 2015" and then each month I make another folder on my desktop like "January 2015". Every time I upload my photos I put it into the monthly folder, then every month I drag it into the years folder and create a new one. I've done this for about three years, and it's such a timesaver. I'm also starting a new folder for each year called "Print" where I select favorite photos each month that I'd eventually like to print.

 

A favorite program for an amateur like me is Picasa. I use it to easily view my photos and videos, as well as make minor edits like straightening.

 

So that is how I'm currently organizing our memories. It is a work in progress and doesn't happen in one afternoon, but when we think all the extraordinary things we've learn't in the process from our ancestors, or childhoods... it connects us and helps us ruminate our life's purpose.

What ways do you organize your memories?

Linked up to: Coastal Charm #248 Share Your Cup #136 Imparting Grace #141

Whatever Is Lovely

I recently got a book, several copies actually of the book Whatever Is Lovely by Tina Krause. The book asks us to celebrate the good gifts and loving promises through thoughtful devotions, inspiring quotations and scripture with encouragement from Philippians 4:8.

 

 

I see life as a path. We all start at different points; depending on who our parents are, our circumstances and our health. Our end is imminent, and could happen at any time during our life's path. During our walk up the path, we all have choices, purpose and a legacy we leave behind.

 

Choices

 

Whatever consumes your mind, consumes your life. Whatever is lovely, is encouraging. Being an encourager is a choice. It is choosing not to be the critical of yourself and others in your life.

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things." - Philippians 4:8

 

Purpose

 

Some days it's hard to think a clear thought, let alone finding and creating a purpose. Some of us find purpose in our professions, our hobbies or a talent.

"The Purpose of Life Is to Discover Your Gift. The Meaning of Life Is to Give Your Gift Away" -William Shakespeare.

While others biggest purpose is their home and family.

 

 

Legacy

 

Legacy is the memory you leave behind in other peoples minds. Personally, I never thought much about legacy until a year or two ago. Last year was kind to us, but the previous five years before that I lost two grandparents in '09, another in '10 and in '11 my dad got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and fought until his death in '13. One day you'll be a memory, so do your best to be a good one!  

 
 

 

Whatever circumstances you face, be encouraged. Whatever is lovely is achievable. Focus on your purpose and legacy and take time to be at peace with your soul. These are my goals for time and eternity.



People Pleaser

I came across this article by the talented Darlene Lancer. I believe we are all 'perfectly imperfect' people, who strive to make ourselves more whole, and sometimes that means we have to self reflect on what we need to improve on. For me, it's was a lifetime of being a people pleaser, so this article really resonated with me. 

 

 

"Everyone starts out in life wanting to be safe, loved, and accepted. It’s in our DNA. Some of us figure out that the best way to do this is to put aside what we want or feel and allow someone else’s needs and feelings to take precedence.

 

This works for a while. It feels natural, and there’s less outer conflict, but our inner conflict grows. If we’d like to say no, we feel guilty, and we may feel resentful when we yes. We’re damned if we do and damned if we don’t.

 

Our strategy might create other problems. We may put in extra time at work and try to please the boss but get passed over for a promotion or discover we’re doing work we’re not enjoying at all. We may be very accommodating to family and friends and resent that we’re always the one called upon for help, extra work, or to take care of someone else’s problems. [Especially if it's not reciprocal, meaning they wouldn't do the same back for you].

 

Our love life might suffer, too. We give and give to our partner, but feel unappreciated or unimportant and that our needs and desires aren’t considered. We may begin to feel bored, joyless, or mildly depressed. We may miss earlier times when we were happier or more independent. The anger, resentment, hurt, and conflict we always tried to avoid continue to grow.

 

Being alone might appear to be a welcome escape from these challenges, but then we’d end up sacrificing our connection to others, which is what we truly want. Sometimes, it seems like we have to choose between sacrificing ourselves or sacrificing a relationship.
 

It’s Easier Just to Go Along

 

We often feel trapped but don’t know another way to be. Accommodating others is so ingrained in us that stopping is not only difficult, it’s terrifying. If we look around, we might notice other people who are well-liked and don’t people-please. We may even know someone who is kind or admired and is able to say no to requests and invitations. What’s more, they don’t seem to agonize about it with guilt. [People often ask "why do you even care?" and inside you know that if you don't, life will be more difficult].

 

How they do that is baffling. We might even envy someone quite popular who doesn’t give a hoot about what others think. If we bother to reflect on all this, we may wonder how we got into such a mess and question our fundamental belief that pleasing is the road to acceptance.

 

Although there are other people who choose to be cooperative and kind, we don’t feel as if we have a choice. It can be as hard to say no to someone who needs us as it is to someone who abuses us. In either case, we fear it will negatively affect our relationship, and the guilt and fear of rejection or disappointing someone is overwhelming.

 

We may have loved ones or friends who would become indignant and even retaliate if we were to say no. Each time, it gets easier to agree when we rather not or to go along and not object. We can turn into a human pretzel trying to win the love or approval of someone we care for — especially in a romantic relationship.
 

Starting in Childhood

 

The problem is that for many of us, our pleasing is more than kindness. It’s our personality style. Some children decide that accommodating their parents’ wishes is the safest way to survive in a world of powerful adults and best way to win their parents’ acceptance and love. They try to be good and not make waves.

 

“Good” means what parents want. Their parents may have had high expectations, been critical, had rigid rules, withheld love or approval, or punished them for “mistakes,” dissent, or showing anger.

 

Some children learn to acquiesce merely by observing their parents’ actions with each other or another sibling. When parental discipline is unfair or unpredictable, children learn to be careful and cooperative to avoid it. Many of us are more sensitive and have a low tolerance for conflict or separation from parents due to genetic makeup, early interactions with parents, or a combination of various factors. 

 

People-Pleasers Pay a Price

 

Unfortunately, becoming a people-pleaser sets us on a path of becoming alienated from our innate, true self. The underlying belief is that who we are isn’t lovable. Instead, we idealize being loved as a means to self-worth and happiness to the point that we crave it. Our need to be accepted, understood, needed, and loved causes us to be compliant and self-effacing. We conclude, “If you love me, then I’m lovable.” “You” comes to mean just about everyone, including people incapable of love.

 

Preserving our relationships is our uppermost mandate. We strive to be lovable and charitable and reject character traits that we decide won’t serve that goal. We can end up squelching entire chunks of our personality that are incompatible, like showing anger, winning competitions, exercising power, getting attention, setting boundaries, or disagreeing with others.

 

Even when not asked, we willingly give up separate interests that would mean time away from a loved one. The slightest look of disappointment (which we may inaccurately infer) is enough to deter us from doing something on our own.

 

Assertiveness feels harsh, setting limits feels rude, and requesting that our needs be met sounds demanding. Some of us don’t believe we have any rights at all. We feel guilty expressing any needs, if we’re even aware of them. We consider it selfish to act in our self-interest. We may even have been called selfish by a selfish parent or spouse. Our guilt and fear of abandonment may be so strong that we stay in an abusive relationship rather than leave.

 

It’s not surprising that we’re often attracted to someone who is the opposite of us — whose power, independence, and certitude we admire. Over time, we can start to think that unlike us, they’re selfish. In fact, we probably wouldn’t be attracted to someone of the opposite sex who is as kind and pleasing as we are. We would consider them weak, because deep down we dislike ourselves for being so compliant. Moreover, getting our needs met doesn’t rank high on our list. We’d rather be submissive — but eventually pay a price for it.

 

We’re not aware that each time we hide who we are to please someone else, we give up a little self-respect. In the process, our true self (what we really feel, think, need, and want) retreats a bit more. We become accustomed to sacrificing our needs and wants for so long that we may not know what they are. Decades of conveniently accommodating “just this time” whittles away at our connection to our true self, and our lives and relationships begin to feel empty of joy and passion.

We can change.

 

It’s possible to change and find our voice, our power, and our passion. It requires getting reacquainted with that Self we’ve hidden, discovering our feelings and needs, and risking asserting and acting on them. It’s a process of raising our sense of self-worth and self-esteem and healing the shame we may not even know that we carry, but it’s a worthy adventure of self-reclamation." 

 

I no longer strive for perfection, it's unattainable and I will fail myself. Instead I accept good old fashioned good.



Be an Encourager

Did you watch the Duggars last night on TLC? I really enjoy watching their show and seeing how their family interacts. They speak kindly of one another, and are encouragers.

We have a culture obsessed with fame and fortune. The price that some stars pay for that is something they will never be able to get a refund for. That's why some stars, like the Duggars stand the test of time, because people admire or want to be them. That's healthier than exposing yourself for national attention in a way that can never be recovered.

 

Perhaps your family, or somebody's you know has a critical spirit. Don't feed into it, instead just follow the rule...if you haven't got anything good to say, don't say it at all. Be an encourager, you'll get more respect and create meaningful relationships that matter instead of weary relationships.

Functional families are so important in our lives and to our society. Unfortunately many aren't blessed with a functional family. It's a pattern that can repeat itself if it isn't interrupted, so it's important that we all have a reflective time in our life, to slow down and focus on what matters the most.

Bless you family and children with heartfelt encouragement, and emulate those who manage to do so. Maybe not all reality TV shows are channel switchers!

Linked up to:

Imparting Grace #101